


The Talk

by Onedayatatime



Series: Joe MacMillan is a cool uncle [1]
Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up, The Talk, birds and the bees, joe is like that cool uncle, mlm and wlw solidarity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 04:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15088547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onedayatatime/pseuds/Onedayatatime
Summary: Gordon calls in a favor from Joe, he needs him to give Haley The Talk™. Joe and Haley have a conversation, just not that one.No graphic descriptions, just references to sex.





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> No smut and no shipping because that is very wrong. I just like to think of Joe as Haley's cool bisexual uncle and they bond over that.   
> Does this story work within canon timeline? no. Can I enjoy this thought? yes.

“Gordon! No! HELL NO!” Joe screamed, but lowered his voice when he realized the office might hear.  
“Joe, c’mon! Why not?” He pleaded, with desperation in his eyes.  
“Why do I not want to give your daughters The Talk? GORDON I COULD GIVE YOU A MILLION REASONS!” He whisper screamed.  
“Not daughters plural, just Haley! Donna covered that with Joanie!” Gordon tried to reason, thinking it would make it better, then realized it probably made it worse.  
“And why can’t she talk to Haley too?” Joe crossed his arms pacing the room.  
“Because she said I need to! She says I ‘need to put some risk in my parenting’ whatever that means.” Gordon rolled his eyes remembering their last dinner.   
“So why should I? Instead of you, like she asked!”   
“What girl wants to hear her dad talk about sex!” Gordon threw his arms up in the air.  
“What girl wants to hear her BOSS talk about sex!” Joe almost raised his voice, but restrained himself to save Haley the embarrassment.  
“Fine. I didn’t want to do this,” Gordon stood up and crossed his arms. “But you did scream about my sex life in front of her so...”  
“Fine but you owe me.” Joe rolled his eyes and gave in, he still felt kind of guilty about that. Besides, someone needed to talk to her, better she knew now than for her to get hurt. “When do you want me to do this?”  
“How about this weekend?” Gordon smiled relieved, but knew the next part would be a less fun part convincing Joe of. “Could she stay over the weekend by any chance.”  
“You owe me, big.” Joe scowled.  
\----------------------  
“Haley, sweetheart can you come here?” Gordon asked inviting Halley into the office.  
“Sure. What do you guys need” She asked plopping down on the couch.  
“So, how would you like to spend the weekend at Joe’s?” He smiled.  
Haley thought So you and Katie can bang in the house but she said “Sure. Is Joanie coming too?”  
“No, she’s at a sleepover with Diane’s daughter.” Gordon shook his head, trying not to be conspicuous.   
Joe rolled his eyes at how much Gordon was failing at just that. “Just a fun weekend with me and Cam.” Joe smiled attempting to save Gordon. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “We’ll let you watch those R-rated movies, that guy won’t let you.”  
She giggled and Joe smiled. This might not be terrible, he thought.  
———  
“Joe, I’m sorry, I can’t come over this weekend. I finally have an idea for a game!” Cam said excitedly typing the code. She finally bought a phone for the Airstream. She was trying to make sure she stayed in the zone.  
“Cam, code here! I don’t know! You can’t leave me alone here!” Joe winced realizing what he said.  
“Excuse me? What can’t I do?” She said through gritted teeth.  
“I’m sorry.” He apologized.   
“It’s fine, don’t do it again though.”  
“It’s just- the reason Haley’s coming over is that-“   
“So Gordo and Katie could bang. I thought that was obvious?” She said over the clacking of a keyboard  
“No. Yes. Probably. I don’t want to think about that.” He rubbed his temples in exasperation “Gordon is making me give Haley the sex talk, so I thought it’d be a conversation that you two could have.”  
He could hear Cam laughing hysterically through the phone.  
“Oh my god! How did that happen? You know what? I don’t care, I don’t want to ruin it with details!” She had to stop coding she was laughing too hard. Her whole body hurt. “You’re on your own. Tell me how that goes. Really, though, oh my god. Good bye.” She hung up the phone. Joe rolled his eyes, Gordon owed him BIG.  
\---------  
Friday they spent the night in, watching cartoons and eating chinese take out. It was fun.   
Saturday they spent the night playing Pilgrim and other computer games. It was also fun.  
Until, Joe had decided it was unfortunately time to discuss the matter at hand over dinner.  
“Haley, do you know why your dad made you stay here, honestly?” Joe was not prepared for this conversation, and he had a strong feeling neither was she.   
“That way he and Katie could y’know…” She said looking at her burger. She made Joe go to the restaurant Vanessa works at and get take away, but she wasn’t working then. Haley was really disappointed.   
“No! God they’re so obnoxious sometimes aren’t they?” He rolled his eyes as she giggled and nodded.  
“No, your father, he wants me to uhh,” Joe ]calculates every word. He usually knows exactly what to say, this is one conversation he never planned he would have to have. “Well, he wants me to talk to you about the… the birds and the bees.”  
“Oh my god.” Haley turned pale white then bright red.  
“No I know, I don’t want to do this either.” Joe pleaded  
“Are you kidding” She kept looking at the ceiling and praying this wasn’t real.  
“Okay no. We need to do this. I promise I’ll make this as painless as humanly possible.” He saw the look on her face, he was going to kill Gordon. He tried to continue “So when a guy and a girl-”  
“Joe. Please, stop!”  
“Haley, I know, you’re only fourteen. But, when you get a boyfriend, I don’t want something to happen.” He thought about the fourth of July. He was so lucky it didn’t end up worse. It so easily could’ve come back as positive. He didn’t want Haley to get hurt.   
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She didn’t want him to notice so she closed her eyes to stop them from escaping.  
“I won’t have sex!” She shouted.  
“You say that right now, I just want you to be prepared. Definitely don’t let some guy push you into anything you aren’t ready for, but if you want to have sex, you need to be safe.” As Haley’s face hardened, his softened. He began to remember that hurricane and how scared she was. Now he has to give her the sex talk because Gordon doesn’t have the guts.   
“I don’t want to have sex with guys! I’m gay, Joe!” Haley blurted out, annoyed. As she realized it she covered her mouth. She began to cry.   
Joe’s mouth dropped a little, I was really not prepared for this, he thought. But he really said “Okay.” He walked over to her and wrapped her into a big hug.  
“Hey kiddo. It’s okay don’t cry.”  
“I’m sorry. It’s just do you hate me?”   
“Hayley, look at me,” Joe looked into her eyes, and he began to feel tears welling up in his own eyes. “I could never hate you. Especially not for that. Haley, I’m bisexual.”  
She looked up at him and she smiled, “Really?”   
“Now, why would I joke about that?” He looked in her eyes and he realized what he needed to do. While he couldn’t give her a proper sex talk, maybe he could give her the talk he wished he had. “Well, now I think we still need to have a different conversation.   
“First things first, still, never let anyone pressure you into doing anything you aren’t comfortable with. If anyone touches you without your permission, let me know and I will hurt them.”  
She nodded, and he continued “If someone gives you a problem come to me immediately. I don’t care how small, tell me. I will take care of it I promise” He thought of when Lev was in the hospital, and what he told Cam. He didn’t want Haley to have to go through that. She nodded again.  
“No, Haley. I actually need you to tell me this time. Look at me and tell me ‘if i have a problem, I will come to you.” He couldn’t risk anything.  
“If I Haley Clark have any problem with dicks at school or varied issues I will come to Joe MacMillan as soon as possible” She said making an x over her heart, and Joe smiled.  
“Finally, this is normal. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You are an amazing, beautiful, intelligent girl. Being gay doesn’t change that, not one bit. Haley Clark you are going to take the world by storm, and I can’t wait to watch!” He felt the tears coming down his cheeks and she hugged him.   
\---------  
“You aren’t going to tell my dad right?” She asked Sunday morning on the car ride over to her house.   
“I would never.” He said earnestly.  
“No I need to hear you to say it.” She said, miming his words from the previous night.  
He pulled over the car and looked her in the eyes and said “I, Joe Macmillan, promise to never tell your father a single thing about what you told me last night.” and he made an x over his heart.  
She hugged him again, and then he pulled onto the road again.  
“Maybe that should be another part of Comet!” She blurted out.  
“What?” Joe laughed confused.  
“No parent wants to give their kid the talk, and no kid wants to hear their parent give them the talk. What if there was like a website like those pamphlets that gives you the talk for you?” She rambled on for a little.  
“Yeah, maybe.” Joe smiled looking at her, he thought this girl really is going to change the world  
\------  
“So how did it go?” Gordon asked Joe.  
“It went well. She’s good for now. That’s all I’m going to say.” Joe said pretending to be horrified from the weekend.  
“Okay. Thank you by the way.” Gordon patted Joe on the back.  
“You still owe me!” Joe teased.  
“No really, Thank you. She really seems to get along with you. I give you a lot of shit, but she needs you. You’re good for her. I’m sorry for what I said about you pushing people” Gordon didn’t know why the two got along so well, they were so different, but it just worked.  
“It’s fine Gordon. I’m happy to help. Really, anytime.” He walked back to his car and smiled. He really did love that girl.

**Author's Note:**

> I might make this part of a series, about Joe and his presence in the girls lives. I don't know yet.


End file.
